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Sobriety Test

Jill came out for Girls' Night last night. We met at Bentley's at 9 - the rest of the gang came at the usual 10. It was mad fun and we closed her down as usual.

On the way home I was too busy paying attention to the person on the other end of the cell phone and sped right by a Fridley Cop nestled neatly in the ditch on 694. I slowed up - without hitting the brakes which would be admitting guilt, but it was too late. The lights were on and unfortunately, someone was home.

I opened my window, smiled, batted a few lashes; he looks at his watch and asks, "So are you headed home from the bar?" Without hesitation I offer, "Yeah, I came from Bentley's in Maplewood." I wanted to take it back and I'm sure he could tell, but the words were already out there. He nods and tells me to sit tight while he runs my license.

Why do cops take so freaking long after receiving your license and registration? I'll bet they have a timer in their squad car and he turned his up from "Slightly Annoying" to "Make Her Worry About Jail Time". So I'm just about turned inside out by the time he returns and he says, "Please step out of the car." I oblige. He explains how we're going to perform some simple sobriety tests. I think I crapped my pants, not because I was drunk, but because I can't walk a straight line stone cold sober.

I got to say the alphabet backwards, walk the line and the stand-on-1-foot-close-eyes-touch-nose trick. Seriously, what does that whole nose touching business prove? Someday I will have to have too many cocktails and try it and see if there's an issue there. Apparently I did the Z-Y-X's quite well as he let me go home without even a speeding ticket, but not before advising me to slow down in that area due to speed trapping activity.

I'm no longer a sobriety test virgin. Sorry Mom & Dad.


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Welcome to the club. At least you passed unlike some of us out here.

Yeah, I'm going to have to add the Z-Y-X's and the nose touching thing to my workout regimen. :)

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