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Reason #867 to Use a Fake Phone Number

I met a seemingly normal guy last Friday night at the Imperial Room. We were drinking the same drink, he made me laugh once. But nothing captivating enough to keep me from returning promptly to my friends after paying for my drink.

A little while later we ran into each other again in passing and my friend stopped to talk to someone so we had a conversation. At some point between ordering the drink and 1/2" from the rim, I lost the common sense to say no when he asked for my phone number.

We didn't see each other the rest of the night, but not by his choice.

Text Message #1
3/25/06 1:29am
Classification: Bitter
Why would u blow me off

Response #1
3/25/06 1:36am
Classification: Instinctually feeling guilty for hurting his feelings
Sorry - I went to the bathroom

Text Message #2
3/25/06 1:45am
Classification: From left field
U wanna cuddle

Me: Hoping it was a mass-text gone bad

Text Message #3
3/25/06 1:46am
Classification: Creepy
Look to your right

Me: God help me, don't look to your right!

Text Message #4
3/25/06 2:04am
Classification: Stalker
Should i wait for u

Me: Slight panic, scan for nearest exit

Text Message #5
3/25/06 2:07am
Classification: Psycho
Can i go home with u i wanna cuddle

Me: Contemplating a lock change

I thought I was out of the woods when the texts stopped there.


Text Message #6
3/25/06 10:31am
Classification: Disillusioned
I just wanted to tell ive always kind of had a thing for u and i think your really attractive so i look forward to seeing you!

Response #2
3/25/06 10:32am
Classification: Perplexed but maybe this guy thought he knew me and the me in his mind was the type who likes psycho-babble
Always? We met for the first and last time last night.

Text Message #7
3/25/06 10:34am
Classification: Very disillusioned
Im pretty sure we met through allegra

Response #3
3/25/06 10:35am
Classification: Near relief - he has the wrong girl!
I don't know what allegra is... I think you have the wrong girl.

Text Message #8
3/25/06 10:37am
Classification: Disappointing
I remember u, your the cute asian girl

Text Message #9
3/25/06 10:41am
Classification: Eyebrow-raising
I meant we would look cute 2gether

Lucky me, it doesn't end there!

5 days later

Text Message #10
3/30/06 5:15pm
Classification: Desperate
I wanna go out 2nite so if u wanna get 2gether let me know

Response #4
3/30/06 5:18pm
Classification: Careful - get to the point, but not such that he decides to come after me with one
I'm sorry to be rude but I'm not interested in getting together.

Surely, this is the end.

Text Message #11
3/31/06 12:46pm
Lets go out 2nite

Me: Thinking, really?!? Me too, just not with you because I'm not really into being murdered.

Text Message #12
3/31/06 1:55pm
Thanks for not giving me the time of day

What's worse, is I actually felt guilty for being abrupt. And for wanting to respond "You're welcome"


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